the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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