she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
