OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
