Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
