she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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