Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
