My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
