you would pick up someone in the library
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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