Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
