talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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