You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
