Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
