it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
