Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
one two three fourrrrnication!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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