Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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