He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Randomize
