she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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