so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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