this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
