my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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