I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
