He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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