It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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