I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
