That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
