I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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