I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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