Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
