It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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