I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
