How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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