In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we made out on top of his cat.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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