It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
