he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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