The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
