Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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