people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
