Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
