the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the day after is always just damage control
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
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