College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I didn't notice because vodka
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh god it's open bar.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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