What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
