doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
