textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
