you would pick up someone in the library
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
