So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
