Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
