my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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