Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The uberlube is also flammable
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
