thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
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Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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