We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
