Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
