it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
