Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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