I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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