An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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