so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
