I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
