I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
